An unspeakable task

Hello folks, how're you all coping with your respective lives. I suppose each and everyone of you have ups and downs yet all of you are still enjoying the life that has been given to you. All of us have extraordinary lives yet sometimes things won't go as you would like to be. Sometimes, it keeps on coming, and you would want to stop it. These things disrupt your life but maybe for some people they just tend to live with it. Well for me, basically, it is something I do not wish to share it with anyone randomly. 

How I wish if someone will listen to me and help me with this task or burden I have brought upon myself. It has been 8 years I've fought to driven myself away from this unspeakable act. I feel so disgusted. How can I possibly move on like this? Up till now, most of my problems I could manage myself but this time, its different. This time, I can't do it alone. I don't know whuttt to sayyy. This has been a gloomy year. Some are expected, but some unfortunate events are cannot be avoided. 

"Face the music" as you would say it when we first met. 

I know someone out there understands its just, I just don't know who it might be.